The Power of Cumulative Revisited
Back in May, I shared my goal to use the “power of cumulative” to better honor my body in ways that would help me 20 years from now feel even better than I do now.
“The power of cumulative” is a phrase my beautiful and wise friend Debi White often uses. She describes it like this: “Whatever we bank will gain strength and power in our lives, for our good… or not so good.”
It wasn't about the number on the scale that prompted me to set the goal (although that was certainly one indicator), but a general feeling of being uncomfortable. Working from home, age, traveling more and becoming a food writer was taking its toll on me. My clothes weren't fitting properly, and my body felt sore and tight. And I was most uncomfortable mentally because I knew I wasn't making healthy choices that honored my body.
I shared in May that my goal was to begin to accumulate “small healthy choices each day.”
I started doing yoga more often, taking more walks and making more intentional choices with my food. I lost six pounds that month, and I didn't feel as sore from being sedentary.
And then exactly one month after sharing this goal, shit hit the fan. My dad was dead, his death had been ruled suspicious, and it was under investigation by the homicide unit.
I'm an only child. My father was estranged from his family. He had no money and no insurance. I was left in charge of making arrangements and making sense of everything.
I couldn't think or process basic information. I was so consumed by what I had to do -- meet with the coroner, call about the cremation services, write an obituary -- that I had nothing left for other thoughts.
I remember getting out of bed one day to take a shower, making it to the hallway and then just standing there frozen. I was halfway there but wasn’t sure I had the energy left to continue to the bathroom. So I just stood there staring into space.
After about a week or two, as the shock wore off, the grief began to turn physical. I've never had the flu, but I imagine this was exactly what the “aches” feel like. I kept thinking, “I need to get back to yoga.” But I didn’t have the energy, and I was afraid my body couldn't handle it. Most of all, I was afraid that when left alone with all that silence and my thoughts, I might just turn into the crazy person sobbing in the corner.
Eventually I went to yoga class and slowly I began to have moments when I felt just a little bit more like me.
But then just as I was starting to get my head above water, I crashed a bicycle and broke my palm and my wrist -- making it difficult to do basic things like cook healthy foods or do yoga.
It’s been a rough seven-ish months. 2019 certainly didn’t go as I had hoped or planned, and I'm still a long way off from fully recovered, both mentally and physically. But I can make it to the shower without freezing in the hallway (so I will consider that a win), and I recently started physical therapy for my hand.
I have no idea what 2020 has in store for me, but I am believing good things and setting clear intentions about what I hope to accumulate more (and less of) in 2020. I understand now, more than ever, the importance of banking choices that will work in my favor when needed.
In 2020 I plan to accumulate:
Daily Mindfulness and Meditation Practice:
Gratitude
Patience and Peace
Less Fear
More Love
Joy
Health
Long Walks
Daily Stretching and Yoga
Mood Boosting Dance Parties
A More Intentional Sleep Routine
What do you want to accumulate in 2020?
