The Ocean Speaks To Me
On my last night in Camogli, a sleepy little fishing village along the Italian Riviera, I went for a long walk hoping to savor it all as much as I could. I walked from my little apartment down to the harbor and out along the jetties, back through the town and finally made my way along the beach. As I walked, I wondered if it was possible to fully capture the moment, if I just tried hard enough… But the harder I tried to remain in the moment, to take it all in, to remember that I would be headed home in less than 24 hours, the more my mind raced with questions…
“Time’s up. What have I learned this month? What is my story?”
I couldn’t just revel in knowing that I’d spent three weeks backpacking around Italy, drinking wine and eating the most amazing food on the planet, I had to have a takeaway. I had to know I’d learned something, that I’d grown, that this had all meant something. I needed to know I was going home someone new…
I knew Italy had changed me. I could feel it churning within me, like the waves crashing in front of me, but I didn’t know how yet. The answers felt just out of reach, and I was scared that leaving without identifying them would mean losing them. There were opportunities waiting for me, back at home, that I wasn’t sure I was ready for. Opportunities that would put me outside my comfort zone, bring me face to face with my insecurities and force me into vulnerability. I wanted to know I would be okay.
So I stood out there on the beach demanding Mother Nature hand over her secrets.
Instead she gently suggested that maybe I was asking for too much -- expecting life to hand over all of its lessons at once. I have always struggled to accept that the lessons I am learning need time to marinate before becoming visible.
I wondered if maybe my obsession with learning and self-development is actually how I mask my need to be in control. Maybe. So I committed to standing out there on the beach, soaking in the moonlight and the sounds of the crashing waves until I could embrace the idea and quiet my mind.
As the waves crashed over the rocks, I imagined myself running right into them, letting each one wash over me and fill me with their wisdom:
“You don't need to figure it out. You are strong. You have been through so much. You have had your heart broken before. You have lost jobs. You have been beaten down. You have faced adversity and you have thrived. You're a big girl and you can handle all of it.
There's a great big ocean out there with so many unknowns but you don't need to know. You just need to take it in, a little at a time, let it embrace you in its beauty, ride the waves and let its sounds soothe your soul.”
It’s been 2.5 years since I returned from Italy and it turns out Mother Nature and her Waves were right. While I’m still learning to let go of my need for control, my need to know everything that’s coming up, and my obsession with personal development, I’m also learning that Life might just know what it’s doing.
