Unpacking Solo Travel: Ruth McNulty
I am excited to share another incredible Unpacking Solo Travel interview with you today.
Meet Ruth McNulty. Ruth and I met in Canada six years ago (this past weekend) and quickly became friends. Three months later, we decided to meet up in Bali. Ruth is such a fun, fascinating person. And she's fearless, which can sometimes be trouble. (If you've ever heard the story of how I almost died in Iceland, it was Ruth who was with me in that river.)
Ruth is a solo traveler, but is also a great travel buddy if you want someone to meet up with halfway across the world.
Ruth, who is originally from Scotland, lives in New Zealand. She is a mental health nurse and certified life coach and has a lot of insight into self care. Today we’re going to talk about checking in with your emotions while traveling.
Tell us a bit about your travel background. When did you start traveling, and where was your first solo trip?
I can't really remember a time when I didn't travel. As a kid, we used to go camping a lot. We also had a boat when we lived in England with lots of canals for my family to explore. I think I always had that adventure thing going on. I always wanted to do something crazy, and if my mates didn't want to do it with me I thought, “Well, I'll just do it anyway.”
I used to do a lot of walks all over Scotland -- great walks for three or four days, hiking up in the hills or by the lochs. When I was a teenager, I would grab my gear and the dog because none of my mates wanted to hike, and I would go camping for a few days, just me and the dog. But I think my first solo trip overseas might actually have been moving to New Zealand.
Yes, let’s talk about that! You randomly moved to New Zealand from Scotland.
Well at the time I wasn’t moving, I was only coming here for a year. That was in 2008.
12 years ago...
12 years ago, yeah. I didn't really like the job I was doing at the time. And as I’m a nurse, it's super easy to get visas for everywhere and get jobs. So I got a job in Auckland, which I was going to do for six months before traveling around the North Island. Then I was going to move to the South Island, do another six months of travel, see Australia, and go home. I ended up living in Auckland for 10 years and moved to the South Island three years ago.
And during this time, you traveled all around, went home to visit family, you've been to Fiji…
Fiji was awesome.
We did Bali together, you did Canada, you’ve been to the US a couple of times.
And I did Japan last year.
So in those experiences, do you remember thinking, “Is it okay to do this by myself?” Or did that not cross your mind?
I guess it did when I used to go camping and on those hikes. I would always take the dog, and I definitely felt safer when I had her with me. I always felt like she was a really good icebreaker for meeting new people as well. She would help me start conversations with people and that probably built up my confidence. When I started, I was probably quite nervous about that stuff, but the more I did it, the more I built that confidence and I didn’t mind anymore.
That’s the key, isn’t it? Slowly pushing yourself out of your comfort zone. But even so, solo travel can get emotional at times, what has been your experience with that?
Whenever I land somewhere, I always remind myself that generally for the first 24 hours I won’t like it. I'm jet lagged, I'm tired, I'm confused, and I don't understand what's going on. I haven't worked out any of the language yet, I haven't worked out how everything works yet, and I'm tired and just want my sleep, and I have probably just been curled up in a really horrible tight little seat on a plane for 12 hours.
So I give myself the first 24 hours. That's something I always remind myself of, that I’m probably not going to like it when I first get there. And that's okay, because I’ll love it by the next day. But when this was all still new to me that really threw me at first. Because I'd be somewhere like the middle of Malaysia, hating it. I’d have to tell myself, “No, actually you don't hate it, you're just jet lagged. Give yourself a couple of days to get some sleep.”
Absolutely, that is a thing, but you learn you just have to get past that one day and move forward. That's a great thing to remember, just don't trust yourself on the first day.
And it's okay to be emotional during your travels. It's okay to have moments. You know, it doesn't mean that it's a bad omen.
Sometimes when you are traveling solo, you can find yourself in an extra emotional headspace. What advice would you give to someone who finds themselves in that emotional space. How can they unpack that and begin to heal?
Reach out to somebody else who gets it. Talk to somebody else who knows the background of what's going on, whether it's a call, or maybe an email. I like to just write down (my thoughts) and have a kind of verbal download from my head onto the paper. It doesn't need to make a lot of sense. It's just a stream of consciousness that goes from one thing to the next. For others it could be drawing, meditating or going for a long walk.
And don't be afraid to reconnect with people at home, if you need to. It's not a sign of weakness to phone home and check in. It's important to keep that connection. It's okay to be sitting somewhere on the other side of the world, and calling home. It doesn't mean that you failed at your solo trip because you missed somebody.
What about safety? What are your tips for staying safe while traveling alone?
The first one is just to use your common sense. Wherever you live, you know that there are certain places that you don't go to. And you know that feeling that you get when you get near there or when you’re feeling unsafe in general. So you know this stuff already. Just trust your gut on those things.
Definitely my first day somewhere, especially if it's a big city, I'll kind of suss out where I am, what's going on, work out the transport system, so I've got a vague idea of how to get somewhere or where I'm going. And you’ve got Google Maps on your phone -- that's quite handy. If you don't want to be wandering around looking at a map all the time, put your headphones in, and then it just looks like you are listening to music or a podcast, but it's giving you directions as you walk, and nobody else knows that.
When I was 17, I was traveling and working in Africa for a year. And I remember somebody giving me a tip. They were traveling with their rucksack, and they said they put all their dirty clothes and dirty underwear in the outside pockets, and anything valuable in the inside pockets, because that way if anybody tried to sneak in, all they got was your dirty undies, instead of your camera or something valuable.
I like that! I think it was in the first Unpacking Solo Travel interview with Tiffani that she shared that someone told her to keep a fake wallet at the top of her bag, so it’s just like a prop with crap in it. So if someone's going to pickpocket you, they take that instead. It’s a good idea.
Yeah. Also, I try not to have too much cash on me. I tend to use a travel card. Most hotels and restaurants accept cards, so you only need cash if you buy stuff on the roadside (and for buses). But I will take those little plastic bags and put money in different places, often down my bra. It is a good place to hide stuff. Nobody's getting in there without me noticing.
Also it is probably pretty clear that I’m backpacking. I generally only pack a carry on so I don't bring a lot with me and I'm not wandering around in flashy designer gear or with massive cameras. I'm not sticking out as a target saying, “Look at all this good stuff that I've got.”
A commonly asked question regarding women’s solo travel is “How can I safely make friends while traveling alone?” What are your tips?
Whenever I go traveling, I always stay in hostels. I love hostels. A lot of people think they’re too old for hostels and that they're all for young people. I'm turning 41 next weekend, and I still stay in them.
They're not grubby, they're not nasty, they're not dirty. Hostels are great for meeting people. Everybody else is in the same position. Everybody in a hostel is there because they want to meet other people. They're probably solo travelers just like you. They want to reach out and meet people. They want to do stuff together. It's a great place to connect.
People will post a sign on the wall saying, “I'm doing this trip tomorrow, does anyone want to join me?” Or you can make a friend by just chatting with somebody while you're making dinner in the shared kitchen, or while watching a movie. I have got so many friends from all over the world that I've met staying in hostels.
I met a girl while backpacking in Fiji because we were sharing a hostel dorm for a couple of nights. Then we met up on another island in Fiji, and she even came to New Zealand and stayed with me for a few days. When I was in Thailand, I realized she was in Cambodia, not too far from me. So we both worked our way around to meet up. She came up the side of Cambodia, and I came through Thailand and we got to hang out. All because we happened to be next to each other in a hostel dorm in Fiji. You get chatting with somebody next to you and they say, “What are you doing today, could I tag along?” And you suddenly have a new best mate for the day. Some people you don't keep in touch with, some people you do, but there's loads of people to meet in hostels.
And I get that hostels aren't for everybody, but remember most of them have single rooms, and a lot of them have en suite single rooms. So if you don't want to share a dorm, and you want more privacy, that's fine. You can go and get that single room, but you still get that connection in the social areas.
I find that I make more friends when I travel on my own than when I travel with other people because I'm looking for connections. I go out of my way to go and meet people; whereas, if I'm with another person or a group, we just kind of hang out. But being a traveler, I'm quite mindful of when we're doing that. I notice who else is looking around, who's lonely. I’ll say, “Hey, come and join us,” and try to let other people in. If you're nervous, there will be other people who have been there that are seasoned, and you'll meet outgoing people who will teach you how to be more outgoing and how to just go with the flow.
What else have you learned from your solo travel experiences? What have you gleaned from it? How has it helped you to grow and release negativity?
It's definitely made me more confident. When it gets hard, I know I'm going to survive. I know I can cope with long, dusty road trips. I've been awake for hours, the train is delayed, I've got nowhere to go, I'm hungry, I don't know the language, the food's weird and I've got an upset stomach. Whatever's happening, you get through it. And once you've gotten through something difficult, you can look back and find things to laugh about. I choose to always find the funny side in everything. But it’s a good reminder when I come back to real life. When I'm at work and I'm tired and I'm hungry and I'm stressed out, it's okay. I’ve felt all these feelings before. I can get through it.
It's made me more independent, but it's also just given me that can-do attitude with whatever life throws at me. I know I'll be right. I can do this. It's horrible right now. It's tough. But I can get through it.
When you solo travel, you push your boundaries every day, and so your boundaries get bigger and bigger and what you can cope with gets bigger and bigger.
And you can take that home with you, to not get as angry, to take responsibility, and to move through life lighter.
I think it's really changed my attitude. It takes a lot to get me stressed out. It takes a lot to get me really frustrated because my tolerance for stress gets better and better. I don't get angry about it, and I don't get angry at the other person because it's not their fault that I'm jet lagged, and that I'm tired, and I haven't eaten, and I feel gross. It's not their fault. So don't get upset with the person behind the reception desk or the person in the cafe because your coffee was too slow. Be nice. This is your issue.
My last question for you is this. What advice would you give other women who are considering solo travel?
Just do it. Give it a go.
But don't push yourself too hard. If you've never done it before and you're terrified, I probably wouldn't suggest booking a flight to Southeast Asia and only having one night's accommodation booked and nothing else planned. It doesn't have to be backpacking in Thailand or Malaysia or anywhere else crazy like that.
Ease into it. Go somewhere you don’t know. Find another part of your city and just walk. Go for a coffee in a suburb that you don't know. Or just go for a weekend in the city next door.
Go and sit by yourself. Take yourself out on a date for lunch. Find a cool shop. Go find an awesome diner that you've never been to before. Go to the movies by yourself. Take yourself out to lunch.
Go to a sports game.
Now going to a sports match alone is a good one actually, because nobody expects you to be by yourself at a game. At first, people will kind of look at you a little bit weird, asking where your friends are, but then generally people will start talking to you because you've got a common bond and because you've got a team that you're supporting.
And they know that you care because you wouldn’t be there by yourself if you didn’t care.
Exactly. That can be a scary one to do, but it's a really good one to kind of push yourself. Work up to that stuff.
Or you could go away on holiday with a mate, and stay another few days by yourself. So at first you've got a mate there and you do stuff together. You learn the lay of the land. You know where things are, and then your mate goes home and you're already comfortable in that setting. You're now just doing it by yourself.
There's lots of ways to kind of ease yourself into solo travel. Just build that confidence and ease yourself into it, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. It's okay not to jump straight in and travel the world on your own for a year. It's fine. Don't do that, because that would just probably be pretty stressful.
If you are interested in talking further with either one of us about your solo travel nerves, or you’re just having a hard time on your trip and need someone to talk to, send us an email. That's what we’re here for.
Is there anything you wish you had known before taking your first solo trip?
Do you have any other questions about solo travel?
Let me know in the comments below.