Unpacking Solo Travel with Erica James
As you all know, here at Her Bags Were Packed, we focus on helping women release emotional baggage through solo travel. Today I’m so excited to introduce you to Erica James, the Travel Diva. Erica is a travel agent, blogger, YouTuber, and has her own podcast.
Erica, did I get all that right?
You got it! As you can see, my whole life is all about travel. All I want to do is travel and talk about travel. Everything centers around travel in my life. It's my passion. It's what makes me happy.
How did you get started as a traveler? Is that something you always did or was it just something that you fell into?
It's something I fell into, I think. I didn't grow up traveling. When we were little, our vacations consisted of getting in the car in the summer and driving to a family member's house. And then, as I got older, my biggest trip was driving from Nashville to Atlanta every year.
As I started doing event planning, I realized how much I enjoyed planning things. So I thought I would try my hand at being a travel agent. I researched all weekend and then just went for it, and that started my travel journey from there. I began going everywhere to learn the business and that’s how I found my passion for traveling. It's been non stop ever since.
I laughed when you said you spent the weekend researching it, and then just jumped in. Your entire career started with one weekend of research!
And that’s exactly what happened. My goal was to have my own travel business by the time I turned 35. So I just went for it, and that’s what I’ve been doing for the last 13 or 14 years.
So tell us what drew you to Atlanta every year?
I'm so embarrassed to say it now, but every year in college we had this event, Freaknik, in Atlanta. It was a massive weekend of non stop partying. Plus, a lot of my family went to school in Atlanta, so we would also go for football games.
So from those trips, how did you end up on your first solo adventure?
My first time traveling by myself was a seven day cruise. At the time, I just really felt like I needed to get away. It was really last minute -- the week of Thanksgiving -- so I knew no one would be able to go with me. I had heard of other people solo traveling, so I just figured I would try it and see how it goes.
It took me an entire week to actually book the trip. I kept going back and forth on it, wondering if I could really do it. The reason I picked a cruise was because it's a controlled environment, and I felt like for my first trip it would be a little more safe. I thought that if I can’t handle it, at least I’m on a ship, and I can just stay in my room if I need to.
So after a week of debating, one of the cruise lines had a “no single supplement” promotion going on, meaning I wouldn’t have to pay double to be in a room by myself, so I just booked it. But I did have all those thoughts going through my head, will I be bored? Will I be lonely? Will I make it seven whole days? But I did it and that set the trail for everything solo in my life.
Can you talk more about that emotional hurdle that you struggled with?
Prior to getting on the ship, I kept telling myself that I would deal with those feelings of loneliness or boredom if they came, but I didn’t feel them yet. I was excited about going by myself once I booked it.
And those feelings never came. The cruise had a lot of singles events and activities. There was a happy hour that was just for people traveling by themselves, and you could choose to have dinner or go to a show with other solo travelers. I went to a couple of the events and met a few people, but I didn’t go to all of them. It was just nice to know that I had somewhere to go if I needed it.
But I really felt like I didn’t need anybody. I went to the shows; I went to dinner; I lounged by the pool. I could do whatever I wanted to do. And I think that was the turning point for me because when you travel with other people or with a group, you're constantly asking what other people want to do and where they want to eat. But I could literally do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted to do it.
And then as the days went by, I started getting more and more comfortable. My initial plan was to never get off the ship, but I started really embracing it and went into port and started doing excursions. And everyone’s on vacation and feeling good, so people are more likely to embrace you in that environment.
Tell us more about group activities. I assume they were beneficial or helpful at least in the beginning?
Yeah, it was helpful. It was just a nice comfort-zone thing that these cruises have for singles. It was good just knowing that there’s somewhere to go in case you can’t handle being by yourself.
All the activities are optional for anyone traveling by themselves. Not everyone was actually single. There were some married people who were just cruising by themselves. But there was a lounge just for us, where we could meet up every evening and have a cocktail and talk about our day. Then they’d ask if anybody wanted to eat dinner together or go to a show together. They had blocked off seats at every show just for the solo travelers, as well as dinner reservations, so you really never had to be alone.
I didn’t go to the meetup every day, and I actually ate dinner by myself most nights. I kept running into this couple who clearly felt bad for me that I was alone. They would insist that I join them for dinner, and then I would run into them again at breakfast and they would invite me to eat at their table. I kept trying to communicate with them that I was actually okay to be alone, that I chose this cruise because I was by myself, and that I was fine, but I could see that the thought of it made the woman uncomfortable.
It’s so funny that complete strangers were more concerned about you being by yourself than you were. I always tell people that if you want to make friends while traveling alone, there are plenty of opportunities to do so. But you don’t have to. Sometimes it’s good not to, and to really just enjoy being alone. That can be really good for us.
But now here you were, having to comfort a stranger about your own choices. How did you handle that? Have you come up with advice that you might give to someone else in a similar situation?
One thing I've learned when I'm traveling by myself is that I’m constantly having to say, “Yes, I'm by myself. Nope, no one else. Yes, I'm alone.” So with this couple, they just kept extending the invitation to join them every time they saw me, and I appreciated that. It was another thing that was nice to know I had in case I needed it. There was nothing wrong with them offering, but every time I did have to say, “Oh, I’m okay, I’m good,” or “You guys are already eating, I don’t want to join you when you’re almost done.” I’d say something like that to let them know that I’m perfectly fine.
But I have noticed that it takes confidence to get to that point, to say that I want to be alone, I want to be by myself.
I wonder if it's almost like a sort of that “fake it till you make it” thing, if you have to charge yourself up to believe that you really are content to be alone?
On that trip, I did have to constantly ask myself, “What would EJ the Travel Diva do?” EJ the Travel Diva would not sit in a resort room by herself. She's gonna get out there and have fun. She's gonna take pictures, she's gonna live her best life. So you do sometimes have to talk to yourself. It's not always fairy tales and roses every moment of every day. Sometimes you have to be your own praise team, your own encourager, to get yourself out there and to keep moving.
That gave me chills. You have to be your own encourager. I love it. That is what is so powerful about solo travel, you learn to stop depending on other people for their approval and other people to even give you ideas of what to do with your time. You realize that your opinion matters.
My solo travel experiences were how I discovered who I was, and then I fell in love with that person. I realized that this is a badass person, and I want more of her. Yes, community, relationships, friendships matter, but at the end of the day, you're always with yourself and you have to figure out how to work on that self talk and have it work for you instead of against you.
Exactly, and you start to grow as a person. Every time I came back from vacation, regardless if I was with someone or by myself, but especially when I was by myself, I felt like I was a different person. I felt like I was growing even more. I was recognizing who I was, what I like, and what I don’t like anymore.
I used to tell people that I love vacation Erica, I love her. And when she comes back, I try to incorporate a little bit of her into my normal life, until eventually I'm vacation Erica all the time. She's outgoing, she loves to have a good time. She's in tune with herself, and I just want to be her all the time. And little by little, with every trip, I'm changing as a person. And that's what I love about travel, and especially traveling by myself. It’s creating who I am becoming.
I love that so much. With each trip you’re discovering who travel Erica is and falling in love with her and saying, “I want more of her in my life.” And every time you come home from a trip, you take a little bit more of her back with you and leave a little bit more of the other stuff, the baggage and labels and things behind. It’s incredible.
So after the cruise, where did you go? What other places have you been since then?
Well I did Jamaica. Then Cabo in January of this year. That was a semi-solo trip. I knew maybe two of the people in the group that went, but my room was by myself. That ended up being a three week trip because I just wasn’t ready to leave, I loved it so much.
A lot of people tend to ask about safety when they're traveling alone. What are some of the tips that you would suggest to women who want to travel?
One thing that I do is when I land, I never tell the taxi driver that I’m traveling alone. I always say that my friends are on the next flight, or are waiting for me at the hotel. It’s okay to tell certain people that you’re alone, but definitely not everyone.
I’m also much more aware of my surroundings when I'm by myself. I know I will say I don't drink as much if I'm by myself… but I do if I’m just going to be in my room for the night. But if I’m at the resort’s bar or in town I keep control of my partying and drinking, because I have to be responsible for myself; there is no one else to look out for me but me.
I also have this little gadget that I take with me everywhere now, that you put under your door handle so no one can come into your room. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure I’m safe. So if you’re going to try to get me, you gotta put in some effort now.
Those are some really good ideas. Always be aware of your surroundings, and if you have tools to keep you safe, that’s even better.
Do you have any advice for making friends while traveling alone?
To be honest, I don’t really have any advice for that because I am not a person who will go up and talk to other people. They have to come to me first. But after that I am totally warm and welcoming. I just am not someone who makes the first move!
But when I was in Jamaica, there was this really outgoing girl at the pool. Her name was Jamie. I will never forget her. She brought me out of my shell on that trip. She came up to me, asked how I was doing, and we just started talking. I think anywhere you go there will always be someone who is going to start a conversation with you.
I think that's the beauty about traveling by yourself. People are interested in knowing your story, why you're traveling by yourself, so they're going to come up to you. You just have to make sure that your body language and your attitude is open to receive people. So she started talking to me, introduced me to her sister, and I ended up meeting other people through her who were also there by themselves. We all started hanging out every day at the pool, having a great time together.
So I’m so thankful to Jamie and her sister for embracing me because I do struggle with that. I will not go up to you first. So I guess my advice would be, if you're not that person to go up to other people, make sure your body language and your attitude makes you approachable for other people to come up to you to start that conversation.
That’s beautiful advice, because a lot of people aren’t that extroverted, but they do want to make friends. They just have to be approachable.
My next question, what advice would you give to someone who's considering taking their first solo trip? Is there anything you would want to share with them?
Number one, just go for it. You're never going to be 100% ready, until you complete your first trip, so just go. Work yourself up to it, start with dinner by yourself, or a night somewhere close by yourself, but you just have to start doing it. Every single time you do something by yourself, it gets you closer to solo traveling. Start small, then do a little bit more with each next step. Always do a little more than the last time.
“A little more than last time” is tiny steps out of your comfort zone. That’s great.
That’s where the magic happens, right? Don’t compare yourself to other solo travelers, compare yourself to you. Compare your solo activity to your last solo activity, and you’ll always go one step further.
That applies to life in general! Don't compare yourself to anyone else, only compare yourself to your old version of you, to the last version of yourself. How are you improving, how are you better than last year’s you? How are you better than the you of 10 years ago?
Okay, I want to ask you specifically about cruising by yourself. I would have never thought to go on a cruise alone, but it sounds pretty great now. So usually the cost of a cruise is based on one room, assuming that there are two to a room. So if you go alone, you’re basically paying double with the single supplement. You said Norwegian had a promotion which waived the supplement. Do you know if all cruise lines do that or just them?
A lot of companies will offer that same promotion every now and then. But now a lot of cruises have started offering rooms specifically made for one person, so you no longer have to pay double. It’s a smaller room, but a great deal.
With Norwegian, all the solo rooms are in the same part of the ship, and they’re all connected to a singles’ lounge where you can meet up with the other solo travelers every day. I know Royal Caribbean has adopted this as well, along with some other cruise lines.
So that has been a huge step for the cruise industry, because solo travel is becoming more and more popular now, and the industry has to keep up.
That’s great! What other aspects of solo cruising should travelers be aware of?
Everything else is really the same as cruising with other people. There are activities and meetups for solo cruisers. You’re never 100% alone if you don’t want to be. Even when you’re booking the trip and choosing your dining option, you can request to be at a bigger table with people you don’t know.
Now cruises also have Anytime Dining, so you’re not stuck with the same table or dinner time every night. There are a lot of specialty restaurants that you can always go to by yourself as well. And you have full access to everything else that other travelers have -- the shows, the bars, all the events and activities. You can do all of it with people or alone.
The beauty about excursions and activities is you will never be alone there. If you’re getting off the ship to do a tour, so are other people and you’re going to be spending the day with them. The excursions are naturally group tours, so there will always be people to meet on those.
I love that. We have articles on how to make friends if you’re an introvert, and how to make friends if you’re an extrovert, and a common answer to both is to do group tours, especially of things that you’re interested in because you know you’re already going to have something in common with the other people on the tour.
But what's beautiful about it is you can make friends, and you can enjoy that time together and then at the end of that time, you can decide to hang out later with those people, or never see them again. It’s totally up to you.
Exactly. So with traveling solo, you’re never really alone, unless you want to be. That's the beauty: you have the option of being with people and not being with people. It's your choice.
Finally, what is one of your favorite trips?
Oh, my gosh, I get this question all the time and my answer has yet to change. My favorite trip was my trip to Germany. I spent nine days there, and it was the only trip I’ve taken where I truly did not want to leave. I will never forget how that trip made me feel on the inside.
What was it that made that trip so special?
I think it might have been because I didn't stay in a hotel or in a tourist area. I stayed with a family, and they took me everywhere. I got to see a lot of the sights and castles, and everything there was to see, but I just loved having breakfast together with them every morning as a family. Everything about that trip -- the culture, the history, the family -- it was just beautiful.
I had no idea what they were talking about, because I couldn't speak German; but I could pick up on a few things and understand a little bit of what they were saying because of their body language. I loved staying with them, and I love the culture of Germany, the history of it -- just beautiful.
There's something so special about those cultural exchange trips where you’re really living with locals instead of just being in a hotel room in the city.
Exactly.
Erica, thank you so much for your time!
If you would like to keep up with Erica, you can do so through her blog, podcast, or YouTube channel. You can also find her on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Pinterest, and Linkedin.
She is a full service travel agent, booking cruises and other vacations around the world. Her specialties are all-inclusive beach resorts, and Dubai, a place she’s been many times. If you would like to work with her, you can contact her through her website, EricaJamesTravel.com.
Do you want to know more about cruising solo?
Let us know in the comments below!