Unpacking Solo Travel: Jo Bendle
We’re back with another inspiring Unpacking Solo Travel Interview. Today we’re talking with the lovely and always inspiring Jo Bendle.
Jo is a productivity coach, originally from the UK. We met 5 years ago in Bali during a small online business retreat. When we first met, Jo was just beginning her life as a digital nomad (someone who works remotely and travels the world). After 3 years living as a digital nomad, Jo purchased a beautiful home in Malaga, Spain and started putting down roots.
I asked Jo to participate in the Unpacking Solo Travel series because she has participated in all types of solo travel -- short term, long term and full-time -- over the last 20 years, and I knew she would have great wisdom and experience to share.
I loved chatting with Jo for this interview, but I had just as much fun listening to the recording of our conversation. I took a lot away from it, and I hope you will too!
I know that you’ve been passionate about travel for quite some time and have had lots of solo travel experience. Can you share about how you got started traveling?
I always knew I wanted to travel. I was always the girl who just looked at a map of the world and got really excited.
I had my first official job at 16, and I remember my Mum telling me about these three buckets (of money). One was for spending, the second was for savings that you can use, and the third was for savings you don’t touch at all.
For the next five years, it was always in the back of my head that I was saving for travel. I went to college and University and I would make best friends who would say they were coming with me. I was so excited about the adventures we were going to go on together.
But when the time came to head off on my travels, it became clear that those friends weren’t as serious about going as I was. I was about 21 and that realization was almost heartbreaking. If I didn’t go on my own, my big dream to travel the world wouldn’t happen... So I put on my big girl pants and headed off to South Africa, spending 6 months traveling around alone, meeting new friends and having the most amazing experience.
That’s how it all started. And I was hooked.
I spent the rest of my twenties either heading off on a fabulous trip, or working to save money for my next adventure.
I went on trips from a long weekend to 16 months away!
That can be absolutely terrifying to just take off on your own like that. But you and I both know that solo travel is how you meet some really cool people, present company included. Members of the Her Bags Were Packed Community often want to know the secret to making friends and meeting people while traveling alone. What has been your experience with this?
Yes! You make friends simply because you make more of an effort to meet people when you’re on your own. I remember when I was traveling in India, I was having a hard time adjusting. As I was leaving a restaurant one night, I saw a girl sitting at a table alone. I stopped to talk to her and we ended up traveling together for weeks and weeks around India. If I had been sitting there with someone else, I wouldn’t have noticed her or approached her. Years later, she’s still a very close friend of mine and I’m so grateful for the first interaction, which just wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t been alone!
I would always put myself in a hostel for backpackers, not just because it was my budget but because that’s where my people were. These are the people who say to you, “Oh! You’ve got to go to ___” and “We’re going to ___ tomorrow. Come with us!” So even though I was traveling alone, I never was. Unless I wanted to be.
If you use cafes near hostels you meet people. That’s exactly what I did.
The friends you make when you travel are very, very different friends. Travel friendships are different than your friendships with those who don’t travel. One of my best friends lives in Australia. I met her when I was traveling as a backpacker. Our lives have changed so much over the years, but she is one person who knows the real me.
I don’t know how to explain it; I only need to say her name, and I instantly drop into what I call “the real Jo.” I think it’s because I was in such a great place when I met her. I was following my dreams, I was doing what I wanted, I wasn’t being led by fear, I was being brave. I think when you go in and out of life, it’s so easy to get stuck in self doubt and other things, but when I think about her and the person she sees and knows me as…it reminds me to step away from the fear and be the real me. It’s so powerful.
That really is the beauty of a travel friend!
I’d like to hear your thoughts on the emotional hurdles of solo travel because there are so many of them. One thing that has come up for me and other members of the HBWP community is “What if I don’t like myself when I get alone?” What are some of the emotional hurdles you have had to jump?
I was never the person who traveled with a solid plan. I always kept it really open and that worked for me. I used to not even have a return flight most of the time. One thing I noticed is that I needed to give myself permission for the first 24 hours or so to feel petrified and uncomfortable, wondering why the hell I put myself in this unknown situation, again! I just needed that space for one or two days before things would click in.
I remember when I first got to India. Oh my God! It was the only place I ever went to and was like get me out of here.
I told myself, “Jo, you just have to stay for two weeks. Then if you still feel like this, that’s fine, you can book a flight and go somewhere else.” Within two weeks, I met the girl at the restaurant and everything changed. So it’s important to give yourself permission to feel out of sorts for the first few days, and know that there will be times when it’s not always easy.
It’s normal to doubt yourself.
For me, it’s not a case of whether I like myself or not but more about asking whether I am actually happy, and giving myself permission to say “What do I need right now?” It’s giving ourselves permission to do that -- whether it means jumping on a plane, slowing down and reading a book for a couple days, or going to meet people. It’s about honoring whatever I need and trusting my gut. The more I slow down, the happier I am.
Yes! I have noticed a similar pattern in my own travels. On the first day, probably due to jet lag and over stimulation, I begin to panic and question everything. I’ve come to recognize it and now I can say, “Shh… you just need a nap and a shower.” I no longer try to accomplish anything on the first day. I just give myself permission to adjust, which I guess is what you’re saying about honoring whatever you need.
Exactly! Never make any plans, just curl up with a good book or Netflix for those first 24 hours! And another thing… solo travelers are often accused of running away from things. But I don’t understand this. You can’t run away. You can put yourself in a different country, but the things you’re not happy with, the emotions that need healing, they don’t just disappear, they come with you, but you’re in a better environment to work through them. You can see things clearly.
I disagree that we are running away - we just love to travel and adventure!
You have got to learn to feel and ask, “What makes me happy?” For me, looking at a map of the world did that!
It also doesn’t even have to be that deep. You can just love going to a new place, exploring and discovering the culture. It doesn’t have to be about discovering yourself.
And if you don’t like who you are when you’re alone, you can change!
For me, it’s more the thrill of a new adventure, and trusting it will be whatever it’s meant to be.
You mean I can travel just for the sake of travel? What a wild idea!
Alright, let’s talk about travel safety. What advice do you have for women worried about their safety when traveling alone?
I remember reading something before my first trip that went something like, you never hear “thousands of women returned home safely today after a fabulous solo trip.” But that’s what’s happening. We just hear the horrific stories.
But, honestly, for every one of those horrific stories there are so many women out there going off and having these amazing experiences. It’s happening and it’s so common, but we just don’t hear about it.
A few things that spring to mind for travel safety:
I’m careful who I give certain information to. I don’t tell strangers I’m staying in an Airbnb alone. For example, I just say, yes, I’m staying with friends.
Be aware of local customs: for example, covering up more when in religious areas out of respect to the local culture, and, therefore, not standing out so much.
Not keeping all your valuables in the same place. I always had a separate credit card and maybe $40 stashed in a different part of my backpack just in case my purse got stolen or lost.
Trust your gut instinct. If something feels off, remove yourself from that situation.
My biggest tip for travelling, not really for safety but for enjoyment, is travel light. Don’t take so much stuff. It’s annoying lugging a heavy backpack around when you just want to get off the bus and explore.
It’s different now. WhenI was a backpacker, we didn’t have FB or mobile phones! Look up. Appreciate where you are, smile and trust your gut to keep you safe.
Seriously! We never hear about all the women returning home safely. That’s why I love this Unpacking Solo Travel series. I want to help women who are nervous about traveling alone see that it’s not so crazy or uncommon.
Now here’s a weird one for you. Do you ever experience fear or anxiety about coming home from a trip? Sometimes I am afraid to lose the person I have become or discovered on my adventure. Can you relate at all?
YES! There would be excitement about coming home and seeing people, but within just two or three days, I would feel so misunderstood. I’d had this amazing experience, but everyone else was the same, doing the same thing, day in day out.
This is also where the friends you make while traveling come in to play. These are the people who will understand you when you get home to situations where you feel you don’t fit in. It’s really hard sometimes, and it’s okay to feel like that. I’m still working through, “Why can’t I be satisfied with the town I grew up in?” or “Why can’t I be happy with normal life?!”
And it’s okay that I’m not.
Now it’s about honoring the fact that I have this soul that really likes to explore and being in a place where I can give that soul what it wants, and that’s something to celebrate.
Be more you. That’s the best thing we can do!
What a wonderful gift to be able to give your soul exactly what it wants and needs. I just really love that visual.
Okay, last question: what advice would you give other women who are considering solo travel?
It’s the best thing you can do (to travel alone) because it will push you outside your comfort zone, but that means the situations you end up in and the friendships you make will just be amazing. The friendships I have (from my travels) are these really amazing and strong friendships because they were built from a place of complete happiness.
The best thing is to get out there and do it. There’s no right or wrong way. You can be the person who goes away for weekends or 6 months and beyond. There are no rules other than having fun. Be curious and listen to your gut.
If you have a dream in your heart to travel, then it’s up to you to bring that to life.
