What I'm Currently Reading: The Book of Joy
Last year, we introduced the Her Bags Were Packed Book Club. We read and discussed Daring Greatly, No Hurry To Get Home, and The Life Changing Magic of Not Giving a Fuck. Then my life blew up, and I put our club and everything else on hold.
I love the idea of a Her Bags Were Packed Book Club, but there are still some details to work out before I completely bring it back. As we ease into working out those details, I wanted to continue sharing what I’m reading with all of you, along with some of my takeaways, and invite you to join me in book discussions-- either one-on-one or in group chats.
Currently I’m reading The Book of Joy (affiliate link) by the Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Dalai Lama XIV, and Douglas Carlton Abrams. The book follows a five day visit between the two spiritual leaders as they discuss the question, “How do we find joy in the face of life’s inevitable suffering?”
To be honest, it’s been a bit of a slow read -- not exactly a riveting story, but I find the insights and discussions to be fascinating and applicable.
Below are some of my favorite quotes from the first third of the book and a personal reflection on my current struggle with seeking joy.
“We are fragile creatures, and it is from this weakness, not despite it, that we discover the possibility of true joy. Life is filled with challenges and adversity. Fear is inevitable, as is pain and eventually death.” - Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“Discovering more joy does not, I’m sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily, too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles us rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without being broken.” - Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“Sadly, many of the things that undermine our joy and happiness, we create ourselves. Often it comes from the negative tendencies of the mind, emotional reactivity, or from our inability to appreciate and utilize the resources within us… We create most of our suffering, so it should be logical that we also have the ability to create more joy.” - Dalai Lama
“When we see these things (suffering), we realize that not only do we suffer, but so do many of our human brothers and sisters. So when we look at the same event from a wider perspective, we will reduce the worrying and our own suffering.” - Dalai Lama
“We ought not to make people feel guilty when it is painful. It is painful, and you have to acknowledge that it is painful. But actually, even in the midst of that pain, you can recognize the gentleness of the nurse who is looking after you. You can see the skill of the surgeon who is going to be performing the operation on you. Yet sometimes the pain can be so intense that you do not have even the capacity to do that. - Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“A compassionate concern for others’ well-being is the source of happiness… a self-centered attitude is the source of the problem. We have to take care of ourselves without selfishly taking care of ourselves. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot survive. We need to do that. We should have wise selfishness rather than foolish selfishness.” - Dalai Lama
“As soon as I wake up… I remember that everything is interrelated, the teaching of interdependence. So then I set my intention for the day, that this day should be meaningful. Meaningful means, if possible, serve and help others. If not possible, then at least not to harm others. That’s a meaningful day.” - Dalai Lama
“You are made for perfection, but you are not yet perfect. You are a masterpiece in the making.” - Archbishop Desmond Tutu
“If we think we are something special or not special enough, then fear, nervousness, stress, and anxiety arise.” - Dalai Lama
Embracing joy has been hard since my Dad’s death. Often, especially in the first few months, it felt foreign and inappropriate. I’d find myself engrossed in something fun or silly with friends or family and, for a few moments, I’d be completely invested in enjoying the moment. Then all of a sudden, I’d remember my grief and be overcome by guilt. I’d feel bad for having forgotten for a moment and feel even worse for having laughed so hard and freely when there was so much wrong with the world.
I am working on it, though, because I know the answer is not to give up on joy. My dad loved to say, “Don’t let anyone steal your joy.” But thinking about this even made me feel guilty, like I’d be letting him down. Basically I felt guilty when I was feeling joyful and I felt guilty when I wasn’t.
Recently things have finally begun to shift. The teachings in the book, along with time, have begun to help me deflect the guilt. This past month, when I began to feel guilty for feeling joy, I envisioned my dad sitting next to me in the car or across the room. I’d look at him and imagine telling him about everything that has me so excited. I can tell that he senses my guilt, and even though he was always one for guilt trips, now he just looks at me with his big, happy grin and tells me he’s so very proud of me and reminds me, “Don’t let anyone steal your joy.”
What are your thoughts on joy?
I would love to hear them in the comments below and if you’d like to join me in reading and discussing the book, send me a little note.
