Unpacking Burnout with Dr. Kate Steiner
At Her Bags Were Packed, we focus not only on solo travel, but also on mental wellness, including unpacking emotional baggage through solo travel. In our new series, Unpacking Mental Health, we unpack different mental health and wellness topics. Today I had a conversation with Dr. Kate Steiner about her specialty: burnout. Dr. Kate has her doctorate in counselor education and supervision, and she helps individuals to find wellness and career longevity by addressing and working through burnout events.
So Kate, will you tell us a little bit about yourself and how you ended up in this field?
Sure. I ended up here through my day to day work at Radford University. I work with our fraternities and sororities on campus and have been doing that for 17 years.
About eight years ago, I was in a really dark space, what I refer to as being the worst version of myself. What I didn't realize at the time was that I was suffering from burnout. The anxiety, the anger, the depression, all of those things that I was feeling were because I was so burnt out on everything that I was doing.
Recognizing that and realizing that I could address it through recovery and wellness is really what stemmed my research. Our field has a really high turnover rate, so I wanted to figure out what that was about, and give people a way to stay in the field longer so that they weren't experiencing this burnout and feeling that their only option was to leave.
Your specialty and point of interest is working with people who are in the “helping” field, and I love this idea of helping people figure out how to get through that.
10 years ago I was working as a teacher in a really toxic environment, and all these things happened that led to feeling burnt out. I saw where being in a “helping” position can really cause that. It's so important to help people through those experiences, and I love that that is where your passion is.
So, you were in this place where you didn't like who you were. You weren't your best self at that moment. You started doing this research for yourself, and you then were able to use it to help others. And through that, you've kind of created your own method, is that right?
I did. It's called the Steiner Self-Reflection Sustainability and Wellness Model. It’s a three part model anchored in self-reflection. That's really the biggest piece: you cannot do this without spending some time with yourself and figuring out what you need, what your burn events are, what your recovery methods are, and what you need for self care.
The three processes are observation (identifying burn events), preparation (preparing for upcoming burn events), and recovery (creating a plan).
Other important factors are relationships and wellness including the physical, spiritual, social, financial, and emotional. All of those pieces come together.
I experienced the importance of all parts of wellness during a time when I thought I was being well, when I was actually the worst version of myself. I was really only focused on my physical wellness. I was dancing and I was eating right, but those things weren't bringing me joy. I wasn't focused on my social wellness at all. I wasn't focused on my spiritual wellness. I don't recall at the time really being too focused on my budgetary and financial wellness either.
Those pieces were missing, so I was really just kind of rolling around on a flat tire.
That makes sense: it's a holistic approach.
Can you talk a little bit about burnout and what you mean by “burn events”?
Burn events are smaller events that occur throughout our day or week which cause a little bit of fatigue or tiredness. You might feel overwhelmed by them, you might feel stressed by them, but generally you can recover from them pretty quickly. For example, it might be a challenging co-worker, and you know that you're going to be really drained after having a meeting with them because they just sort of suck your energy. In that moment, that's a burn event.
Burnout occurs when you have unresolved burn events. When you haven't recovered from those burn events, they combine and kind of snowball on each other to create this feeling of being overwhelmed, as though things are a burden. Not having an interest in things that you used to really enjoy. You feel this overwhelming fatigue and basically just a sense of dread.
For a lot of people, this presents like anxiety and feelings of depression -- just kind of a feeling of not wanting to do the things that you used to want to do. When something that you generally enjoy starts to feel as though it's a burden, you are in the burnout place.
For some of these things you can look at your calendar and see that you have an upcoming burn event that you can identify, and you can mentally prepare to be in the right headspace for that. It might be a smaller scale recovery like a grounding practice, or even just walking out of the room and taking a couple of deep breaths -- like wiping their energy off of you.
If you know it's coming up, you can schedule time around that to meditate or take a coffee break, or just give yourself time so that you’re not jumping right into the next thing and feeling off. I like that idea of looking ahead for burn events and planning for those.
There are also unexpected burn events, those that kind of hit you sideways in a day, when the plan really gets thrown off. So it’s important to be able to have a way to recover and reset from those as well. Sometimes if it’s a big enough event, you might need to employ a professional’s help. You might need to go see a counselor or a therapist or a coach to get back on track. Know that it's okay to ask for assistance in order to recover and kind of alleviate those burn events.
We don't have to do it on our own. There are people to support us. That's really great. Burn events that are unchecked lead to the actual burnout itself, which then leads to you feeling like things you normally enjoy are now burdens.
What are other things we can do to look out for those events?
I really like the calendar assessment, but also knowing and identifying your own intuitive feelings is key. Ask yourself, when you go into a situation, do you start to feel tense, do you start to get that fight or flight or freeze kind of feeling?
Identify when you’re feeling uncomfortable or stressed, but also recognize how your energy is and how your emotions are doing throughout the day.
For me, I know that I am an unkind person when I am tired or hungry. I become a toddler, and not a nice toddler, like a grumpy tantrum-throwing type of toddler. And so, I recognize this, and generally people who know me well also know this about me. My partner carries snacks with him, so if we're traveling together he always has a way to get me fed so I don’t reach that hangry stage.
So it’s important to know things like that about yourself, when your low energy points are.
I think that that brings up the importance of learning to be self aware. If you don't have that self awareness, it's so hard to be able to then check in with those emotions.
Those are good things that we can try to look out for. But what if you're in the moment and you're experiencing a burn event? What can you do at that point? Do you have to just grin and bear it now?
No, definitely not. The moment of recognition is an important turning point for any person. You can't really do anything about it until you recognize it in yourself, that this is a problem or that things aren't going the way you want them to. Then you can start the recovery process.
Starting the recovery process could be taking a day off, going on vacation, or even just planning a dream vacation. Or it might be enlisting the help of a counselor or a therapist or a coach to get you really back on track. That’s the point where I see most of my clients, when they realize they are experiencing a burnout event, so I can help them to get back on track and follow that self reflective process.
First, it's identifying the things that are burning you out. What feels like a burden? You may not be able to change the situation, but you can think differently about the situation. How can you react to the situation differently? How might you prepare for that event a little bit differently, and can you get you back to the space where you enjoy it again?
And if not, do you need to make a change around that situation? Is it something where you need to start thinking about being in a different place, or doing something drastically different and if so, what does that path look like?
It's very individualized. There is no one path or direction from burnout, no specific formula to no longer experience burnout. It has to be based on yourself, and what you're experiencing, and what your self-care practices are, and what recovery looks like for you,
This is good. I think for so many people, things aren’t just being checked regularly enough. So then all of a sudden, we find ourselves in burnout when we're halfway through a giant project, because we let ourselves get to a certain point where we thought we could handle it without checking all these little things. And then all of a sudden you're halfway through, and you can't turn back and can't walk away because everything's dependent on this project, people are depending on you. So in that moment you realize you took on way too much. What do you do to get yourself through that moment?
It's really just finding two minutes within your day that you can focus completely on yourself, whatever that looks like. So maybe it is a mindful moment with your tea or your coffee in the morning, maybe it's just being fully present while you brush your teeth. Or it could be something to the effect of actually letting yourself have lunch rather than working through your lunch.
If you're feeling in a better space from giving yourself those two or five or fifteen minutes, it is actually going to increase your productivity.
And while you’re there, name those feelings that you’re feeling. We spend so much time telling people we’re “fine” but “fine” is not a feeling; it’s not even an emotion. It's a descriptor. So in that moment, think about what you’re actually experiencing. Is it sadness, is it frustration? Or are you feeling overwhelmed? Once you identify it, allow yourself to experience that.
And then it is okay to be in that moment and say, “You know what, I can't completely focus on my recovery right now, but I have next Saturday off, and so I'm going to create a plan. That's my recovery day.” And then figure out what that looks like.
I like to implement coziness in my recovery plans. Ideally, I'd like to go to a beach and be around some water and sun, but we can’t do that right now so instead I’ll focus on coziness. A cozy sweater, cozy slippers, the Hallmark Channel, mac and cheese, a soft blanket, a good book. Figure out what you need and plan that.
How do burnout and travel go together? You’ve mentioned before that travel can cause burnout, but also sometimes travel can help in the recovery process from burnout. Can you talk a little bit about that?
Absolutely. Using travel for burnout recovery is actually one of my favorite recovery pieces. Before this last year, I would get to a beach location at least at least once a year, if not a couple times a year to do some recovery. My plan on those vacations was to not do anything but read on the beach and play in the water and eat lots of food. That was my recovery process.
Whatever that looks like for you, do that. Some people might rather go to the mountains or a cabin. For some people it's visiting museums and taking in art and culture, or going to the theater or ballet, or even just experiencing new things.
We all have our own formulas that will create the best recovery for us. It’s important to know what your formula is, and what will work for you, what you can employ that will lead to your recovery.
But at the same time, there are so many things that can create a burn event while we're traveling. A delayed flight, hitting construction on a road trip, any number of things that could really cause you aggravation unless you kind of just give it back to the world and realize that you have no control over them. A lot of the burn events that come about from travel are things that generally are out of our control.
Earlier you were saying that you’re not your best self when you’re hungry and tired. Both those are things that can happen very easily when you travel. You're jet lagged, you had a long flight, you haven’t eaten. We’ve talked before on here about how you shouldn’t trust yourself on the first day of a big trip because everything is off, you’re exhausted, and that can throw your emotions off as well. That can cause burn events.
I think that’s part of making sure you have a plan, too, so that you can prepare for those inevitable burn events that will happen. Have a plan, but don’t over plan. You don’t want to pack so much in and try to see everything that you can’t relax.
What are some other things that we should do as travelers to avoid burnout?
I think it's important to know who you are as a traveler. Are you the person who has everything planned with the full agenda, and if so, are the people you’re traveling with on the same page? If you’re traveling with other people, you want to know what kind of travelers that are as well, otherwise that can create some burn events and maybe some uncomfortable moments.
Or are you someone who wants a more relaxing trip? Do you just show up and figure it out when you get there? For some that's actually more relaxing and helpful in their recovery process.
I am definitely somewhere in the middle. I like to know where I'm going and have things prepared. I like to have an idea of what I'd like to see while I'm there, maybe have one or two excursions planned, but the rest is free flow. I’ll ask the hotel staff where they recommend to eat to get the best hole-in-the-wall spots.
Know who you are as a traveler, know your fellow travelers, and what everyone’s travel style is. And that goes back to a bit of that self reflection: decide what it is that you want out of the trip.
Figure out your goal for the trip, is it to experience all the things? Is it to truly relax and have some downtime? Is it to disconnect from your role at work or home? Consider all of that in your planning stage of the trip.
I like that idea of figuring out your goals and expectations for the trip. That’s really important for everyone to think about when they're planning. Also, I think that self-awareness is so important while you’re traveling. Checking in with yourself and allowing for rest even if it’s not on the schedule.
If we're aware of our types of burn events, it might be helpful to talk to friends and co-workers or team members about that, and maybe recognize those in them as well. You can look out for each other in that way.
What are ways that we can help other people when we see warning signs of burn events or burnout?
Most important for me is to initially respond from a place of care. Knowing how I behave when I'm experiencing burnout, I’m more short tempered and I definitely have less patience with people and might react more quickly to something that I perceive as negative. If I notice a colleague is in a meeting and all of a sudden, they kind of become silent and they push themselves away from the table, or they shut down, or something to that effect, I gently check in with them to ask if they are all right.
I don’t want to do anything that would make them think I’m calling them out; I just want to let them know that I noticed that they changed, and that I’m a little worried about them. I’ll ask if everything’s okay and if I can offer them support.
Come at it from that place of unknowing and curiosity and care and that will help people be less defensive. Because they’re already anxious and experiencing negative feelings, their emotions are already heightened. You want to be caring, not confrontational.
You don't want to make someone feel like they're failing when they already feel like they’re failing.
Exactly.
I’ve noticed that when my teammates check in with me, and make sure that I’m taking enough time for myself, I feel the need to check in with them as well. I think that if I were to give people advice, it would be to create a culture around the idea of checking in with each other. Look for ways that helping yourself is going to empower others to help themselves, but then also look for ways to help empower each other.
I've really tried to do that as a supervisor --making sure my team is taking breaks and taking time off. It's super important to do that for your team as a supervisor.
Kate, thank you so much for joining me and for sharing your expertise. I think recognizing burn events and burnout is so important for all of us, especially these days.
For more of Dr. Kate, or if you are interested in her recovery workshops, you can check out her website, liftwellnessconsulting.com. You can also message her on Instagram at @DrKateSteiner.
This conversation is the first of a series on burnout that we'll be focusing on over the next few months. We’ll have guest writers, shared resources, even a free group coaching session for the first 8 people to sign up. I’m excited to explore this topic with you all, stay tuned for more!
Do you have questions on how to recognize burn events and burnout?
Let us know in the comments below!
