A Solo Vacation: The Ultimate Place for Self Reflection
Today I am happy to introduce you all to a new friend, Dr. Kate Steiner of Lift Wellness Consulting, LLC. Kate’s focus is on helping individuals find wellness and career longevity by addressing and working through burnout events. She loves to travel and today shares with us the lessons she learned on her first solo travel adventure.
Hello, Everyone! I’m Kate, and I am excited to have a guest spot on Her Bags Were Packed this week. I currently work in student affairs and higher education. I am a researcher focused on career longevity, wellness, and burnout. I have a passion for educating others on how to recover from burnout and burn events -- those moments in time that leave you feeling fatigued, overwhelmed or disengaged, and, if not addressed, can lead to burnout.
I grew up in and currently live in a rural area, and that, I believe, has contributed to my fears of being and traveling alone. I am especially nervous on my own in large cities and the concept of “stranger danger” and rape culture (women have to protect themselves) is unfortunately an intense what-if anxiety for me. This anxiety of the unknown has for a long time held me back from truly enjoying the adventure of solo travel.
But in 2017, I did something for myself that ended up teaching me a lot about self-care. I took a solo vacation to Park City, Utah. This trip gave me time to reflect and focus on my overall wellness. I intentionally did not invite anyone to join me. At first, I was planning to use the space as a writer’s retreat to work on my dissertation. But I was making great progress, so I chose to just spend the time relaxing and exploring instead.
I had traveled by myself a number of times before, but always with a business or educational purpose. The destination was for a conference, to facilitate a program, or work related. Often there were other people that I would be connecting with at those destinations. A couple of trips I was going on my own with a group of people I had not yet met. Sometimes, the trips were so short that I would arrive, sleep, present, and be back at the airport before a full 24 hours had passed.
This trip was different. I wanted to challenge myself in a way that I had not before. More specifically, I wanted to challenge my belief that I couldn’t vacation alone. I was intentional in my planning, as I worried that I would arrive and then not stretch my comfort zone to actually leave my condo. Generally, I am more of a free-flowing type with my trips, but this time I wanted a specific activity planned for each day. I needed to make sure that I didn’t just hang out alone at the condo. I planned a massage, a tour of the Utah Olympic Park, of the High West Whiskey Distillery (ended up touring with a bachelor party), a fancy dinner (I love food), and a low-key concert at a historical theatre. I intentionally did not take anything with me when I went out for meals, like a book or work. My focus was to be present in that moment and enjoy everything around me. Here are a few things I learned about myself during my 3-night adventure.
Once I stopped caring that I was alone, so did everyone else.
Or rather, it didn’t matter what they thought because I focused on my enjoyment of the food, whiskey, or music, not on what other people might be thinking about me. As humans, we often do not focus on the present moment. Grounding yourself in the present is calming and eye opening. Enjoy and savor the things around you. Breathe, and forget about the people who do not know you, who you will likely never see again. They do not matter in your moment.
Time spent on my own allowed for a reset.
How often do we slow down and focus just on ourselves for a large chunk of time? I know that was not often for me. In addition to adventuring, I also spent some time journaling and reflecting. At the time, I was considering what I wanted for my future career, what I wanted to accomplish with my dissertation research, and, ultimately, what I wanted to be known for in my life.
I enjoy my own company.
This was a turning point in my life in regard to relationships. I realized that while I wanted to find a partner, someone to share in the adventure with me, I would also be completely okay if I was meant to adventure alone. This acceptance helped open my heart to others. With an open heart, I was able to deepen the relationships I already had with friends and family members. I also found my adventure partner about a year later, because I was open to the experience of dating instead of going in with a long-term relationship goal in mind.
The person who holds me back the most is myself.
While I challenged myself with this trip, I still felt moments of fear. Fear of being on my own while enjoying a cocktail, fear of the judgement from others, and a fear of heights. Okay, that last one was just because I rode the chair lift up to the top of the mountain at the Olympic Park. The fear of being on my own in social spaces with alcohol still kept me hanging out in my condo after about 10 pm. Truly, that is the one regret I have from the trip is that I held myself back in those moments. I continue to find ways to quiet the “worse-case scenario” voice in my head. She can be loud and unkind, but generally she is wrong. I am learning to recognize the difference between her and my instinct that danger is near. She is future focused and full of anxiety, while instinct is in the moment and sudden. I continue to battle with her and have gotten better about not letting her “what-if” me out of an experience.
Overall, the experience of traveling alone became the ultimate self-reflection opportunity. I was able to examine the fears that I was letting hold me back. Too often I would become wrapped up in what others thought of me, instead of doing things for how they made me feel. I continue to seek ways to feel more comfortable in my own skin. Park City will always be special to me because even though it was a small point in time, it has played such a big role in my life’s journey.
